Footprints in the Snow

Well. Its Christmas Eve. Once again. I was outside a moment ago, and the snow is falling, setting a beautiful mood for an otherwise dull day. As I stood in the snow, making footprints, I remember a time when Christmas was the most exciting time of the year for me. If you ask anyone in my family, they would tell you that I lived for Christmas; not necessarily the presents, but the sights, sounds and memories that festive time of year would make for me. This year, however, takes a slightly different approach.

I went to my treatment meeting today, and we watched a movie. It was called Awakenings; starring Robert DeNiro and Robin Williams. The movie was about a doctor (Williams) who worked with patients exhibiting symptoms of Parkinson's Disease. These people seemed lifeless; paralyzed in their own worlds, but knowing of their surroundings. Williams decided to try an experimental drug, to bring life back to the patients. It works, but only for a brief while. Then, the patients are reverted back to their paralyzed states.

Recently, I have been feeling a lot of paralyzation in my own world. I have been going through the motions, hoping each day to gain a better grasp on my recovery and addictions. Many days, there are brief moments of being awakened and excited about the possibilities that life has to offer. Other days, there are definite periods of low, but they have become more obsolete. I am so thankful that there is a definite message in all of these days: Dont Give Up Before the Miracle Happens.  Each day, I learn more and more about myself and the decisions I have made concerning my life up to this point.

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about how depressing it was that I havent given a single gift or have a single gift to open this year, coupled with the fact I havent hung one ornament or put up one decoration. So during my meeting, this thought occured to me: My most precious gift is that of my sobriety. I dont need Christmas to realize how fortunate I am that I am sober, living and have a place to dwell. I also realized the most precious gift that I get to give back, is the message that I deliver to the people in the meetings with me. That is also a constant, all year gift. There are so many people that are ten times less fortunate than I am, that are just happy to be on this earth for another day.

So, the footprints that I have made are not just in the snow. Hopefully, one person will read this message and get something out of it. I am very grateful to be able to express to each of you how happy I am to now be the person I am.  Christmas or not, that gift will keep on giving. For the rest of my life. I want to wish all of you a wonderful holiday season. I love you all.